Thursday, 11 August 2016

A Hard Time

Hi all, 

I'm finally going to speak about what Andrew and I went through in our realtionship, as you all probably know by now me and Andrew were on and off for quite a few years.
We found I was pregnant in the 3rd month of our realtionship, we were so happy! We were trying for a baby quite soon as that's what we both wanted. A family! 
We kept it to ourselves as soon as we found out, but I told my closest friend at the time, she was happy for us too. I didn't want to tell our family's yet as my family would hit the roof and I didn't really know Andrews family at that time. 
I went to work, I was so so worried being pregnant I actually took another pregnancy test in front of my boss. It came up with pregnant 1-2 weeks... I thought that's strange I've been pregnant for about 4ish weeks now. 
Anyway I started working, all was going okay until I needed to go the toilet, I went to the loo and wipes and there was brownish blood. I wasn't too sure what to do as i didn't know if this was normal or not, I asked my boss, she said to see how things go, it could be implantation bleeding, so I did and eventually it kept coming but this time it was bright red. 
I started crying because deep in my heart I really knew I had lost our baby. I told my boss again and she said go straight to the doctors, so I did. 
The bus ride to my village seemed to have lasted forever, I called Andrew, he was at work, but he didn't answer. By the time I did get hold of Andrew I was at the doctors he told me not too worry, loads of girls bleed during pregnancy. I tried not too, but then the doctor asked me to do a pregnancy test, if you've had a miscarriage she said it will come up negative pretty quickly. 
I did it- by this time I was pretty heavily bleeding- I went back in the doctors room and she confirmed it then and there- I've had a miscarriage, I broke down in tears, I couldn't believe it, I was so upset. The doctor told me that I needed to tell my family because I could do with a hug. I didn't tell my family- I couldn't! 
I came out of the surgery and rang Andrew, I was strong- I was trying to be strong. 'I've lost our baby Andrew' he started crying, I told him not too cry and that we could try again when we feel up to it. I said to him I can't stay at home tonight I couldn't face anyone and as I adidn't know his family I really didn't want to stay with them.  So we booked a hotel. Andrew still had to go home and get his things, so he went home and his mum said you look upset Andrew what's wrong, he fell into her arms and started crying, he also went to his bag and threw my pregnancy test at her, she asked what's this, isn't it a good thing? Andrew told her what had happened. She was upset.
When Andrew finally come to get me, I broke down, I couldn't breathe, it was the hardest time of our lives, Andrew broke down too.
But now I think maybe it was for the best? It tested our realtionship, it showed how strong we could be! 
And now we have a Rosie, in which is the best thing that could of happened to us.

Much love
Lauren xxx

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